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Perspective Is a Beautiful Thing but Grief Still Sucks

The relationship I had with my dad was like no other.

I loved him fiercely and would talk to him about anything and everything.

He was my Mr. Fix It.

My Mr. Solution.

I miss our chats. Sometimes they were lighthearted - about the day, the weather, something silly. And other times they’d be deep - he’d help me solve problems in my personal life, give me guidance, share about how he was feeling, or talk about the past.

Today (September 27th, 2023) is one year since he passed. I think about him often. What would he be thinking? What would he be doing? Would he be proud of me? Would he like this specific person, that specific person, this choice, that choice, everything??

It is impossible to comprehend how an entire year has passed since I watched him take his last breath. That moment will stay with me for the rest of my life. Sometimes I see it when I close my eyes. As scary and intense as it was, it was also an honour to sit by his side and accompany him on that journey.

I am not the same person I was before he died. Loss changes you. I won’t say everything had a purpose or meaning because honestly he didn’t have to get ALS and die. My mom didn’t have to get cancer and die. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever for those things to have happened. BUT I will say that the trajectory of my life and the choices I have made throughout were guided by the things that happened and the people that were lost along the way.

Perspective is a beautiful thing and being forced to look back and see how things affected you is a privilege. Looking back and actively making changes because of what you realize is an even bigger privilege and I am grateful for that.

To my mom and dad, you didn’t have to die. But, I know that you are both watching over my sisters and me and that whenever I miss you I can talk to you in my heart or write you letters. One day, when I have a family of my own, I will make sure that they know so much about you that they also want to talk to you in their hearts and write you letters.

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