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Birthday reflections at 28

Today is my birthday! My birthday used to be my favorite day of the year. It was the day that nobody could be mean to you. You were pretty much guaranteed to have one of the best days of the year. Lets just say this hadn’t gone as planned a couple of years ago and ever since, I have placed less importance on it.

This does not mean that I no longer love my birthday. It’s still special, just not AS special.

Since I am prepping for the bodybuilding competition I will not be able to celebrate as I normally would – with dinner and/or drinks. Instead, to celebrate, I will be going to Ottawa this weekend for a nutrition course through Canfit Pro! Investing in myself, my knowledge and passion is the best present I could ever give myself.

It’s funny how your values change as you grow older and wiser.

What I would like to reflect on about the last year is how I hit rock bottom and made my way out of it. Rock bottom is different for everyone. For me, it was burning out and taking sick leave from work (not due to work, I must point out). It was gaining at least 30 pounds in the span of about 3 months. Staying home all the time. Drinking half or sometimes a whole bottle of wine by myself. Eating all the food I wanted – never just one portion of something rather the entire package… or jar.

It was bad. I was in a daze. I was exhausted. I was losing my strength and muscle. I was distancing myself from those around me and getting lost in my head. Those who know me know why I spiraled downwards. There was a lot going on in my life at the time.

How did I get out of this “funk”? For starters, I sought help. I was regularly seeing a psychologist (so thankful that the company I work for makes it really easy to get this sort of help). I took antidepressants for a little while. I had been off the gym for two months but got the OK to go back. Switching to a new gym (Blackout Fitness!!) and getting back in to a routine was a tremendous help. In January, I took the reigns and got back to cooking and eating better. I returned to work part time towards the end of January and was back to full time the second week of February. After that, things were looking up! I started a new workout plan and meal plan from Kim Peppers after deciding that I wanted to push myself harder and eventually do a bikini competition.

Fast forward to today – I am 16 days out from the bikini competition. I am happy (for the most part). I am strong. I am social (when I have time!!). I am trying my hardest to excel in all areas of my life and am currently in the best shape I have ever been in. I have surpassed where I was before rock bottom and haven’t felt THIS good in a long long time. I have officially lost, from February 17 (the day i got my scale) to this morning 40 pounds. FOURTY POUNDS. I still have my bad days. Mostly bad moments. But, the good days and moments outweigh the bad and I am in a great head-space that allows me to recognize that the bad are just fleeting and do not define my mood, self worth, or life.

For anyone that is going through a rough patch – don’t be afraid to seek help. Those that love you don’t want to see you suffer. They will do anything in their power to help you. It’s OK to seek professional help as well. It doesn’t make you any less of a person.

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